no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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