dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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