Do you still have your period?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
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Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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