Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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