My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
