I heard we made out
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
