my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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