hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
