he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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