No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
