her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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