i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
