the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
