I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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