As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
