He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
