does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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