Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
