Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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