omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
