Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
