i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
