Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
