Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
