dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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