If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
