do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
