I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
its liver damage thursday
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize