my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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