my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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