is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize