A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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