my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
