I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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