Acid is not a monday night drug
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
