i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
