I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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