she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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