SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
