Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
