I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
