yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
