He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
