BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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