Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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