Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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