I hate your face
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize