I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
