So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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