You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
