and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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