I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Mom said you looked used
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
