My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
