Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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