a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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