is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
