So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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