do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
