I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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