No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
