The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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