So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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