my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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