Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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