I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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